i'm gonna wear my cherry reeeeeeed
I like the new apartment. The place I was living at last year was too dark, too cut off from everything. Now I can look outside my window and see Telegraph Avenue below me, or the Campanile to my left. Every morning when I wake up, I go straight to my window to see what the weather is like outside. Today it's sunny, which is good because....well, because no one likes the gloom, do they? Actually, scratch that, I know quite a few people who like rainy, overcast weather. They say it gives them an excuse to stay indoors and be lazy.

Goodness, I just took a two hour break to stare outside and think about eating another Trader Joe's dark chocolate peanut butter cup. They're pretty good. Dare I say they're better than Reese's peanut butter cups? Ah, I don't know if I'm ready to go that far yet. 

I once read an article by Francis Lam (where has that dude gone to anyway? he used to be on Salon.com, but now I don't think he writes for them anymore) that the reason peanut butter cups are so goddamn delicious is that they combine both salty and sweet in one neat little package. And then I didn't get to read any farther because I suddenly felt an inexplicable urge to visit the candy section of my local Walgreens. 

Also, this just needs to be said: standing in line at Walgreens with a bag of candy in your hands (I'm not talking about a bag of m&m's either, I'm talking about those big bags of candy that your mom used to buy before Halloween, you know, the ones that could generate 50 hours of manpower on pure caloric energy) by YOURSELF, is probably one of the most humiliating things a person in middle/upper middle class America could ever do. I added the "middle/upper middle class America" part because it just sounds douche-y to make that claim for people in general, and YES, I am aware there is a famine in Somalia, so please don't make me feel worse for eating this piece of chocolate than I already do. I mean, has anyone found a way to do this without feeling like a total loser? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm buying the candy to share with my friends, or bringing it to a club meeting that I have later on that night, but I'm sure that regardless of whatever made-up reason I may have prepared, the cashiers still think I'm a total fatass (and they're not wrong). 

And that would be totally fine, if I didn't have the self-esteem of a...person with low self-esteem. But that's a weepy story for another time..this post was supposed to be my way of popping in to say hi! 

chocolate chip cookies
 Tried out a new chocolate chip cookie recipe from David Lebovitz's cookbook "Ready for Dessert". Chocolate chip cookies don't exactly have a reputation for being the most difficult of baked goods, but they are undeniably delicious. I had been using the same recipe for about 6 years (it's from some old Costco cookbook that I gave to my mom for Christmas...I'm pretty sure the chocolate chip cookies are the only things we've ever made from it) before I decided it was high time that I try something new. You know, out with the old, in with the new! Carpe diem! Just do it! YEAH! Ok, ok, so this new recipe isn't exactly revolutionizing the world (although sending some milk + cookies over to our elected representatives in D.C. could be just the thing to end this paralyzing stalemate and finally get our country back in order. It is physically impossible to hate someone with a cookie in one hand and a cold glass of milk in the other. Unless that person is Voldemort, in which case you're screwed anyway) but it is pretty darn delicious. Here's what makes them so special:

- Chocolate chunks!!! Oh yeah, these babies aren't your average little Ghiradelli chocolate chips. Apparently, chocolate chips are designed to resist melting. I'm guessing this is for appearance purposes (?), but I personally can't understand why someone would actively work to prevent the chocolate-oozing process. Anyway, all I had to do was get some bittersweet baking chocolate from Trader Joe's, chop it into bite-sized chunks, and boom, you have chocolate pieces that will melt faster than you can say "But I like using chocolate chips! Why do I have to do this extra step?! Someone stop this madness!"

- Nuts!!! I like my nuts, ok. I like them toasted, I like them raw, I like them sweet, I like them salty, I like them all. Nuts, nuts, nuts. Yup.

- One. Stick. Of butter. This really needs no other explanation. 

Other than that, I would say it's a pretty standard chocolate chip cookie recipe. Everyone has his or her favorites, but I think this one will serve me well for the next couple of years. Now, please excuse me while I go grab a cookie. All this talking has made me hungry.

~STOP! Cookie time~

Back! Ah, what else did I want to mention? Oh right, I went on a hike to the Hollywood yesterday with my old middle school/high school friends. When we arrived at the trailhead, my Indian friend noticed a huge gathering of Asian Americans gearing up to go on the same hike. Being an Asian American myself, my first thought was F***! Now those hot French/Spanish/European/etc. tourists are going to think we're all part of some Asian youth Christian group, and they're going to whisper to each other in their fancy languages that we all look the same, and goddammit why did I decide to get side bangs again like every other Asian girl on the planet!

What can I say, I'm a shallow girl at heart.  


why write
 Why do I keep thinking that I must write something worthy of being published?

In every news article I've read about authors and their writing process, it all boils down to one thing: keep writing. Doesn't matter what the subject matter is, just do it, and do it, and then do it some more, and maybe one day BLAM-O you'll have enough material to finish that novel. But with the internet being what it is, I have this irrational belief that anything I write MUST be posted and will be judged by the higher powers that be (aka the fanfic and meta writers...seriously, I envy their ability to decipher characters so deftly). And god forbid that I should be bunched with those worthless bloggers who post about their ~feelings~ and then post it onto facebook for everyone to see. I don't know if you can transmit discomfort over the internet, but god I do hope those people can sense some of my secondhand embarrassment. Ok, I'm being incredibly mean; everyone deserves to have his/her voice heard, and the internet is a safe place where one can just let it out (let it aaaaaaaaaall out) without fear of being rejected or humiliated. And who cares about the mean comments left by anonymous people anyway? It's usually just like middle school drama -- pointless, catty, and grammatically incorrect. You would have to be an idiot to pay attention to any of that. 

But to have your writing left untouched and uncommented-on by the bowels of the internet is a pretty heavy blow. It's like having someone say they're passing up your shit for some even shittier shit dumped by a pointless, catty, and grammatically incorrect middle schooler. It just hurts, you know? People go on the internet because connecting with other human beings on a physical level is an awkward and exhausting business, and no one really likes sitting through 10-second lulls in conversations. So you talk to people on the internet, and suddenly you're finding friends who stan Ron/Hermione just as hard as you do, who make snarky and witty comments on all things pop culture, who love to take gorgeous photographs and make things and modestly deny their quirky brilliance. To witness all this camaraderie between these self-professed loners stings to those of us who write the words but continue to live in internet obscurity. 

In summation: why write, if no one is there to listen? 


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